Monday, January 24, 2011


Bela Lugosi is Dead - as performed by The Crucifixion Machine by crucifixionmachine

Friday, January 21, 2011

Ascension Album.

It's been three weeks since my last post. Sorry about that dear reader. I've been concentrating on making an album for hardcopy and electronic release.

It's called Ascension. It contains the story of a man who, through Pascal's Wager, decides to believe in god, and finds to his dismay that hell, and the devil come with the belief.

Although I may say goddammit, or jesus christ, when disgusted, that is a product of my upbringing. I don't believe in god. I have in my past, but no more. The reason being is that god is supposed to be benevolent, and omnipotent. One that has these two traits would never allow for evil. Yet the nonexistent one does.

Due to this, I find it much more comforting in my life that the random like nature of chaos, the non-personal attacks on individuals who are good, exists instead. See, chaos doesn't give a shit about you, or me, and can still be the driving force of the universe.  Because of this, chaos does not lie, like the god that others conceive (and fight over).

It makes so much more sense to me, where I have tried continuously and failed to have decent relationships, make real money that will sustain me and my family, get custody of my son (whom I can now never see, but allegedly twice a year if ever). It makes so much more sense that when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, that chaos would allow, nay, support the happy habit; yet when I quit with much effort and finality, that I would get arrested for -- you guessed it -- drugs, and a DWI, the ONE TIME I HAD THEM SINCE I QUIT.  It's random people.  It's not god.

I look everywhere all the time looking for god in my life and only find the truth of chaos.  God in my life would be a good job, or at least a good income that everyone else seems to have.  God in my life would be a house, a car that I had the pleasure of earning the money to pay for, and a family that supports me and my endeavors. God in my life would at least be my parents helping when I am clean and sober, and having never supported me when I was in my habit. God in my life would be the love of my infant son who is being raised by two gay men (read what you will into that, I don't give a crap).  God in my life would be having a real vacation every year, just like every other working stiff out there, going to the lake, owning a boat, living the American dream.  It's not that way for me.  It's been the American night mare since I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder.

God in my life would be the news agencies not equating mental illness with violence.

God in my life would be when a dog needs $4000.00 surgery to save it's legs, that it get's it, and I get my meds, or never need them in the first place. This is a stupid thing: Dog needs surgery to save it's legs, so the owner goes and tells his friend. The friend goes on the internet and tries to raise money for the dog.  Yet when I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, no one gave enough shit about me to raise the money to help pay for treatment, and medications for me, no, instead I was left to become nearly homeless....and people wonder why I was addicted to drugs and alcohol.

God in my life would have never been in an addiction anyway.

I was told once that Oh, you turned away from god.  Sure.  God turned away from us all.  Including me.


there is an impersonal force in this never cared in the first place, and never will about us, it may have created us by accident, but it's not out to destroy us, just that it's a random force, and will destroy or create at random.

That's much more comforting to me.


Saturday, January 1, 2011

The Crucifixion Machine -- Psalm (God Damn Preacher Mix) Ministry Cover

This is my submission to be on the Ministry -- Fix Movie companion Album.

I find out tomorrow if I am accepted.

FIX - The Ministry Movie Trailer

I submitted, yesterday, to be on the companion album for this movie. I find out tomorrow, I think, if I got accepted.
 Well, Christmas was interesting for me, full of cheer, and other bumpy things.  Ran across an old school mate of mine who is a multimedia artist living in LA.  I have always admired him even from Jr. High School days, but when I got this response from a simple question:  What do you think of my tunes?  I replied with a full on blog post, and have come up with some questions for any other listeners out there that might read this.  Here goes the letters (btw, they are edited to protect the innocent LOL):


First let me apologize for not getting back to you sooner. Traveling to see family(s) in MO was not ideal for having some time to contemplate a response to your question, so I put it off until I was back at home in LA.

I think your tunes are pretty cool. Sometimes the genres you work in aren't exactly my cup of tea but so what - it's still interesting listening. Standouts for me are New Horizon, the new one Seven Headed Beast, and Satori. Things like Pulse and Heat, not so much. I'll keep listening though because I've consistently enjoyed the sound design choices you make. I admire how prolific you are too - it's inspirational makes me want to be able to put up more tracks.

Your blog is interesting too. I enjoyed the posts about your approach to music theory. You might like He's been doing a series of Live tips this year, some great stuff in there - most purely technical.

Have a good new year man, keep it up.



It's funny because I'm not so sure of what genre that I am trying to work in.  Some times it just comes out.  I have been, for a long time, trying to emulate a lot of synth pop, power pop, or what have you....also lately been trying to be in EBM.  But for the most part, I find that the listener defines the genre for a, am now wondering what you had categorized the tunes as?

Also, what genre(s) do you prefer working in, and/or listening to?  Reason why I ask, is that you said that you will keep listening, I mean I don't necessarily want to pander to my audience, but if I happen to like the same genre, then hell yes, I will give it a shot.  Something is bound to take hold with my audience such that they will pay to hear the tunes.  Ministry started out as a synth pop band before going full on crazy industrial metal, for example.

Oh, as far as Pulse and Heat go...LOL, I hated pulse from the get-go.  It was originally composed by J___ H______, and rearranged by myself.  He plays the guitar on the track.  We had a falling out due the the tune, his ego, and the fact that he wouldn't return some CDs that I had lent him.  (hate to dog a fellow artist like J___ who is an awesome guitarist, but...truths gotta be told somewhere).

As far as Heat goes, I never really liked it's just a work that i posted early on, and it has remained on soundcloud due to the number of listens, and downloads (if there are any).  I rotate the songs on the basis of popularity and age.  If they get a lot of listens, and are fairly young, I keep them up.  Else, I dump them for new tracks.

On the subject of the frequency of releases, I gotta say a couple of things:  I am a contributor.  I get a royalty for T-shirt designs, and some other graphic design stuff from there about every other month.  It's not much, but it buys lunch or so each payment that I get.

I got to thinking about how I could branch out, and after acquiring Ableton, and developing a proficiency at it, I decided that it was time to try to market the tunes too.  I have noticed that over the years, the Zazzle royalties have increased.  I believe it is due to true popularity, not just simple inflation.  My reasoning again for the music was to post, post, post, then it takes hold.  Increases.  Makes free money for me basically.  I am especially glad that I can inspire another artist!

I also mentioned to you in [gigantic department store chain store], that I "enjoy" a mental illness.  I have been on and off disability a couple of times for it, and free time is supremely available for me.  I gotta do something with it.  Hopefully I can dump the disability for income from creativity.

The blog is something that I started to emulate Tom Shear of Assemblage 23.  I gotta say a few things about the guy:  1)  He is an amazing musician.  Pretty much does the same thing I do, writes at home, probably from his bedroom in his underwear, LOL.  But then he travels to Europe, Russia, and Mexico, not to mention all over the U.S. to perform.  His lable is Metropolis Records, where many of my favorite artists are produced.

Now the second thing about him is that I have struck up an e-mail correspondence with him, and man, he is very, very, cool.  He has a one on one relationship with his fans.  I only wish I had the gumption to do this back in 87 when Trent Reznor just got his break, ya know.

I really appreciate your encouragement.  It seemed to me, when we bumped into each other, as though someone recognized my "blooming", if you will.  You appeared to be surprised that the loner guy in Jr. High who ate twinkies all alone for breakfast finally broke out into something better.  And I appreciate that.

Thank you,


P.S. B__, I am gonna use an edited version of this letter as a blog post, hope you don't mind....thanks again.

So, for the reader, the above questions still linger:  What genre do you like?  What genre do you categorize me as?  And well, what do you want to hear?

I know that Kurt Vonnegut suggests writing to entertain only one person (probably himself, as what I do with my tunes), however feedback is incredibly important to me too. 

Again reader, the questions still linger.